2017.01.29 What am I doing here.

Took a medium long shower and this question popped up again just like any other time when I’m not being the watcher of my mind and let it drag me down. Exactly, what am I doing here? Feeling stupid being trapped with this question over months. Determined to focus on the Now, worry less to the past or the future. Life is Now. Be present…xue…be present…

Never thought I would be able to give up on coffee. After came back from China a month ago my body cannot handle even one cup of that black stuff…jittering and insomnia happened more severely…

It’s been over half a year since I quit drinking…except on my birthday. I had a bit of whisky, and cried. Friends were with me, and simon made me a sweet potato cake. I was not drunk at all, but my body told me she cannot handle it any more.

I quit a lot of stuff, a lot of relationships. Maybe this is the way of life. We are losing and stripping away bit by bit day by day.

I haven’t gone out of the house for over a few days since the beautiful snowstorm hit us. I paid a visit to the shrine in this village. Right away my intuition gave me a word to say during my pray. “Protection” I guess this is the theme or mission of my 2017. To protect my loved ones, to protect myself, to protect all the vulnerable beings. To protect my belief; to guard my weakened soul.

Hope I’m not always lost; just wandering around. Stop thinking about what to search. Life has its own plan. Enjoy the journey and spread the joy.

The sense of belonging…is what I’m longing for.