wrote a letter to myself.
“life is a serious joke.”

All in all, there is nothing much more left for me to express. Tons of emotions dissolved in each dreams or nightmares these days. I’ve been using my logical thinking way too much like a detective trying to figure out everything. So much flashbacks, evidence and realization. Everything becomes so clear now. That’s why there is nothing left for me to guess around, to doubt, to question and to blame myself. No more confusion. No need to explain anything any more. No need to expect others’ understanding. I guess that’s the stages of growing up. Each pain makes us stronger. What is strong? Being stronger so that next time i can be more equipped to watch out for myself? to guard my heart, to stay clean in a dirty world? I almost lost faith and trust in humanity. I got confused with lies and camouflage. And yet I cannot say anyone is evil. We are just a human being but doomed to be just a human. We are greedy, jealousy, selfish and irresponsible but at the same time we say we can love people.

It’s so conditional. Love is so conditional. I wouldn’t want to pay anything for love any more.

let each music notes and bread bring me peace and fill my emptiness.