Just wanted to say a few words although all is futile.

  • I went to my bank a week ago to discuss the Tax-free saving plan and Retirement saving plan. The sales representative happened to be a Chinese girl who originally came from Beijing. We had so much in common in terms of thinking and value. So, instead of discussing about my saving plan, in that tiny office we talked for 3 hours about everything. I met her today again for another appointment, yet another 2 hours sharing on various cultural phenomena. Isn’t it fate how i met her? I’ve been back for 3 weeks by now. Still recharging what seems like a never-ending social energy burnt out. I didn’t hang out with anyone but went out to library frequently. The limited human interaction I had was with my parents, in the form of arguments. So much things, tangible or intangible, are out of my control as long as Im staying with someone else. However, this time I decide to accept toronto to be part of my base. I allow it to come in to my universe. Anyway, thanks Melissa, for the random bizarre encounter and intense talk.
  • Yesterday my family drove to Chatham (300km away from toronto) to visit their friend. What we found out upon arrival was that the father of that friend was in hospital due to severe illness which took place two days ago. The atmosphere of the house was definitely gloomy although the husband prepared so much delicious food, plus 3 teenagers were at the table as well. There were zero coziness, zero home feeling. We went to the hospital to see her father. a 74 years old nice guy who used to be one of my parent’s favourite colleagues back in university in my hometown. Life and death, jokes and experiences, we became the witness when he signed the power of attorney. I saw the daughter’s tears shed behind his back.
  • Within a few hours I received another bad news. One of our friends is diagnosed with pancreatic cancer. I googled and got scared to know how many days left for her. I can’t imagine the image of a laughing hard, bold and strong woman age around 50 will expire soon. Anyway, her daughter is preparing to get married this year.
  • “How old may I ask?” “29.” “When you reach 30, you will know what’s important and what’s not.”
  • I’ve been indulging myself into reading since I came back from Japan. While still got so much time to think about life and death and rebirth. Our souls are all recycled. Nothing is new. All the invisible things/force are so much more interesting than the visible. What we can see and touch is so limited. so so so limited. Feel more, think more. So much more going on in our brain that each time a new concept can blow my mind to a new level. This year I’m just gonna keep training myself to feel more, think more, protect my six sense, my sensitivity, and deal with my own detachment from my body.

Back to reading again.

Although Toronto doesn’t have any mountain, at least where I live is quiet. And most importantly, I can spend time accompany my parents. We are all aging and days are passing so fucking fast. The time we can spend together is getting less and less. So, I want to be with them, despite so much bumps caused by our selfishness.

What’s important to me now? Keep learning; personal growth; peace; time. But the concept of death is always there. I don’t know him and I don’t want to touch or get close to him.